A Time To Shut Up (03.12.2006)

What wrong tendencies might we have when we’re being honest with someone?

• Holier than thou
• Sarcastic
• Accusing
• Judgmental
• Wishy-washy (opposite extreme)

HONESTY DOES NOT TRY TO WIN
Read Mark 14:27-31 about Jesus and Peter arguing

What does Peter’s comment tell us about what he is like, particularly about his weaknesses?

• Self-confident
• Thinks he’s better than the rest of the disciples
• Loves Jesus very much (sin is mixed with love)

How do we usually receive criticism?

• Retaliate by picking apart the criticism
• Analyze the other person’s life
• Devise arguments to defend ourselves

Who has the last word? To an outside, who appears to have “won” the argument?

• Peter has last word
• Appears Peter has won

Why doesn’t Jesus say anything more?

• There would be no point in it
• Just more words that could lead to quarreling
• Jesus already knows what’s going to happen

Most of the time, we feel a need to respond to everything a person says that’s incorrect.
God wants us to be His messengers. We want to be prosecutors.

Why do we keep going when the other person doesn’t listen? Why do we have trouble being quiet?

• We want to be heard
• "My way or no way."
• We want to win
• We’re on a roll and think the more words the better
• We think it’s up to us to change the other person
• If we don’t say something, who will?

HONESTY IS CONTENT TO WAIT
Read Mark 14:66-72 about Peter disowning Jesus

Why do you think Jesus is content to not have the last word in Mark 14:27-31 (above)?

• He is content to let life’s events unfold
• He is content to let God reveal what needs to be revealed

What was wrong with Peter that he did not see about himself, but was later revealed?

• His commitment to protect himself at all costs (pride)
• His self-will

Two Incidents – Same Pattern
In two different incidents, Peter exhibits his weaknesses in the area of pride and self-will:

Peter Swearing Fidelity at Last Supper

• PRIDE: Concerned about looking good in front of the disciples
• SELF-WILL: Insists repeatedly that he would never fall away

Peter Swearing In Priest’s Courtyard

• PRIDE: Concerned about looking like a follower of Jesus in front of the servants
• SELF-WILL: Denies knowing Jesus three times and finally swears

Read Luke 12:2 – "There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known."

How does the knowledge that hidden things will be revealed affect honesty?

• Truth will eventually come out
• It’s not up to us to make sure everything comes out

How is this principle comforting when people don’t listen to our honesty?

• We don’t have to have the last word
• We can mention it once and move on
• It becomes their problem

We offer our honesty as a gift. Knowing God is in control, we don’t feel the pressure to make them understand.


HONESTY IS SURROUNDED BY COMPASSION
Read John 13:36-14:1 about Jesus and Peter

When Peter keeps saying he won’t betray Jesus, Jesus begins to express compassion. Jesus surrounds his honesty toward Peter with compassion. In John 13:38, Jesus tells Peter that he will deny Him three times. (Ouch!) But in John 14:1 -- the next verse -- Jesus encourages Peter, telling him not to be troubled and to trust in God. Essentially, Jesus tells Peter that things are going to get ugly for a while, but that things will all work out in the end.

If compassion is YES and honesty is NO in the following picture, which is the hardest YES? Which is the most important?

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, NO, YES, YES, YES

The hardest -- and most important -- YES (or moment of compassion) is the one immediately following the NO (or moment of honesty). Our ability to move from honesty to compassion reveals we aren’t trying to win with our honesty.

Why is it hard for us to show compassion after people have rejected or trashed our honesty?

• They might think they’ve won (and we want to win)
• They might think we agree with them
• We fear being controlled

HONESTY IS FOR THE OTHER PERSON
TABLE TALK: Discuss how Jesus’ honesty was for the other person in the following passages:

Peter at the Last Supper (Mark 14:27-31)

• Jesus wanted to help Peter by warning him of his egotism
• His warning would prepare Peter for the shock of seeing evil in his own heart
• Some people cannot handle the shock and commit suicide (Judas)

Simon (Luke 7:36-50)

• Rebuked him for his attitude toward women
• Wrong for Simon to despise her
• If no one warned him, he would keep looking down on others and hurt them

Martha (Luke 10:38-42)

• Rebuked her for her attitude toward Mary
• Martha was hurting both Mary and Jesus with her judgmental comment

PRAYING GOD’S WORD
Use the following passages to pray God’s Word back to Him, either on your own or with others:

• Heavenly Father, I stumble in many ways (James 3:2). I know that there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Show me when it is time to embrace and when it is time to refrain (Ecclesiastes 3:5), time to be silent and time to speak (Ecclesiastes 3:7). The heart of the righteous weighs its answers (Proverbs 15:28); there is more hope for a fool than for a man who speaks in haste (Proverbs 29:20). In my interactions with others, may I not try to “win” the argument, but in humility consider them better than myself (Philippians 2:3). May my words spur others on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24). I pray these things in Jesus’ name, Amen!

BEING THE REAL DEAL
Here are some ways to apply this message from God’s Word:

• Think about something true about yourself that you already know – an area of weakness or recurring sin. Imagine how somebody would approach you about this issue if they were to use the principles in this lesson.